This isn't part of my New Year, New ME, but it seems like when something has been on my mind and GOD wants me to do it, I am going to get so many signs to go for, it ain't even funny. Tomorrow, I am going to call a local college and set up an appointment with a career counselor so that I can go back to school. It has been on my mind since my life drastically changed a couple of months ago. I went to school for Early Childhood but didn't get to finish. I really do feel if that is what I am supposed to do, then I would have finished it. So I will make my appointment tomorrow so that I can start that part of my journey. I don't know what educational path I am going to go down, but I will let you know as soon as I find out.
Another thing that I am going to work on tomorrow is my letters to the people who I need to write. I am really not looking forward to this part but it has to be done. I don't want to keep harboring these feelings anymore. There are things that I need to tell these people so that I can put it behind me and move on. They may never know what I say, but after it is written down, I know I will feel better. I will pray over those letters and if I feel the need to send them, I will. I am even going to start "mending fences" between people I think I have done wrong. I am not perfect, I know that. I think I am a good person, and I don't like to hurt people. If you get a letter of apology from me, then I want you to know how sorry I am and hope that you can forgive me. But if you get a letter from me and it really isn't what you want to hear, sorry but I think you need to start thinking about how you treat people.
Ok, sorry didn't really mean to spew that on you.
I am sitting here watching The Biggest Loser and I just can't help but hurt for those people. I know that I am not skinny and I am working on feeling better, but some of these people need to lose over 200 lbs to even reach a healthy weight or where they should be according to doctors. It brings tears to my eyes when I hear the stories of these contestants because I hear myself in all of those stories. I am only 4 days into this and I had a really hard day today. For some reason, I was sooo hungry and I was to the point of ALMOST cheating... I said ALMOST. I even thought of changing what I was going to eat today and just make up for it tomorrow, but I am on a cleanse this week. If I deviate off of the menu plan, it won't work and that is just wasted money! The real challenge happens on Sunday when I don't have a menu planned out for me. But after seeing what those contestants had to put up with during their workouts, I felt stupid. They are going through Bob and Jillian's torture and I was upset about going over my calories for the day! How selfish is that? I am not doing any exercises right now until I finish the cleanse because with my schedule and cash flow, I am going to have to get creative because I don't live near a gym or have the money to join one. They have the luxury of staying at a place that has a 24 hour gym and the right food there for them. So I know I have to suck this up and do this but I am a little jealous about them having the gym. I know that I have the right tools to do this and stick to it. Just need to pray for strength and motivation.
I haven't set a goal weight or even set a size I want to be. I just need to be able to look in the mirror and like what is in it. No, LOVE what is in it and I am getting there. I know that I will never be a size 4 and I don't want to be. I just want to like how I look. I know the person I am and know that the only thing wrong with me is that I don't like myself like I should. If you can't like yourself, then how are you going to expect people to like you. I do want to be in a relationship again, but right now I need to work on me.
I hope Im not one of the ones that you need to write a letter to!
ReplyDelete