Saturday, January 5, 2013

Finally!! It's a new year!

I swear, I didn't think that 2012 would ever end!  I can now look forward to this year.  There really isn't anything significant about this year, I am just glad that it's here.

This week started out really good.  I started my cleanse and let me tell you, I have run my legs off to the bathroom!  Sorry for the TMI but when it says that it will "flush" my system, it means it... literally!  LOL

I have got some really great women as a support team in case I need some pick me ups when I hit a wall or trip up.  I am there for them too, but knowing they are behind me, it makes doing this so much better.  I know that we aren't even close in proximaty to each other, but knowing I can get online at some point in the day, I can reach one of them if I needed them.  But I do have one person with me who is behind me... that is My Daddy!  He said that he would do what he could to help me.  We have a little tradition started that we go to Hardee's on Saturday morning for breakfast.  We discussed last night what I could have for breakfast today and it just happened to fall on the day that I could eat eggs for breakfast.  I could get the breakfast platter and not blow my diet.  I couldn't eat the biscuit, hash browns or sausage gravy so I got grits instead.  With all that I got, I was full and satisfied AND I didn't blow my calories intake for breakfast!

I really do enjoy my special time with my dad.  We always wind up talking and laughing.  I know it does him good to do things like that.  I am so blessed to be able to spend this time with him.

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Weighing on my mind...

So I am sitting here, on a Sunday night, with absolutely everything to do but don't have any motivation to do anything.  I haven't felt good all day.  I really didn't sleep well last night.  I still went to church but kept thinking about laying down.

I woke up this morning to a friend asking for my support in her journey to get healthier and stronger.  Of course I am going to be behind her!  I am always supportive in all of my friends if I can be there for them.  But as sweet as she is, she started a support group (which is closed, invites only) on Facebook for her friends that need the additional support to stay on track with their weight loss.  Just what I needed!!  I have tried to do this on my own and I have always failed.  I think now that I can succeed because of theses beautiful women and the support we are going to be giving each other.

I had been talking to my father about my dietary changes and he is behind me.  He is needing to gain a little weight and I am trying to lose a lot!!  LOL  I guess what I can't eat, my Daddy can!!  HAHA  I am going to be using my Biggest Loser tapes so that I will be able to do my exercising when I get home since it will be so dark to walk.  Once the time changes, I will be walking up and down our street.  I am going to try and walk after eating my lunch where I work.  There is a road that is behind my office that isn't really busy so I am sure I can walk it a couple of times before I need to go back to work.

I know that I will hit plateaus and have bad days, but knowing that I will have that support group, I am sure I will be able to get through it alot better so I won't get off track.  I will be watching the Biggest Loser when it comes on.  I know that I don't have a personal chef, a personal trainer, and a gym at my disposal, but I still get motivation from that show. 

So, once again, I will be on this weight losing train but hopefully this time I will be getting off at Skinnyville!!

Friday, December 28, 2012

2012... glad its almost over!

Here is a recap of one of the worst years of my life...

Well, this year did NOT go the way I had hoped.  I had big plans for the year, but GOD had other plans for me.

January started out OK.  Nothing to big or monumental, but started out pretty good.  Friends having babies, that is always good with me!

February was going along well.  At the end of February 2012, the biggest detour of my life happened.  My mother was diagnosed with Colon Cancer.  Doctors were optimistic that she would be ok after surgery and strong enough to beat the cancer.  I made a very big decision to move back home to take care of my mom so that she could focus on getting better.

March was a tough month.  Knowing that I had to move in such a short time was tough on me.  The moving wasn't the tough part, the being away from my mom while she was still recovering from surgery was.  It was hard to have to tell my manager that I had to go.  It wasn't the best job in the world, but I did like the people that I worked with, well some of them...LOL.  I stuck through it and made sure I left that store in good hands.  Leaving Atlanta hurt very bad but I knew what I was doing was right.  I had no doubt in my mind.  But I love Atlanta and all the people that became part of me while I was there.  It was tough leaving them.

April...the last 25 days of my mother's life were the most precious moments that I will never forget.  I was able to take care of her the way she took care of me for most of my life.  Daddy and I took turns sleeping with her because she needed help getting up, needing a drink, or what ever she would ask for.  I was up for 72 straight hours with her, and I wouldn't take nothing for that.  On the last night she was in her own bed, before they put her in a hospital bed at home, she laid up against me and just slept.  She slept peacefully for over 30 minutes, just laying up against me.  That will be one memory I will hold onto for the rest of my life.  Knowing that I helped give my mom peace from her pain long enough to rest is one of the best feelings I have ever felt.  Two of my sisters and Aunt had come down from North Carolina to be with her and to help a few days before she left this earth.  I was very grateful for some rest that I needed but wished I could have done it on my own because I told Mama that I would take care of her.  Don't get me wrong, I knew that my sisters and my aunt (who was Mama's baby sister) needed their time with her too.  I loved my time with her.  We watched movies, talked, laughed... but didn't think we had such a short time left.  Mama got weaker and finally asked for medicine to help.  She never complained about pain to us, because she knew that we would worry.  She was a very strong lady and fought until she couldn't fight anymore.  She passed away peacefully on April 26th.  I had just left for work and kissed her on the head that morning and told her that I would be back as soon as I could....I hoped she heard that I told her that I loved her before she passed.  The next couple of days were a blur with preparations for her burial.  We did everything that she wanted, nothing more.  We laid her to rest on April 28th.

May, I really don't remember much but do know that it truly was hard to get through.  Now that I am taking care of my father, I at least had that to occupy my time.  Trying hard not to upset him, giving him time to himself so that he could grieve.  I went back to work hoping that it would get my mind off of my pain.

June, another hard month because Mama's birthday is June 23rd.  It took us a while to get Mama's headstone and we had hoped it would be in before her birthday.  It was hard going to see her and all that was there was a small plaquard with her name typed on a card.  Finally a couple of days before her birthday, the headstone came in.  There is a song that states "It really sinks in, you know... When you see it, in stone."  Those words never rang more true than that day.  I knew she was not here, that's not it... but when you see it, written in stone, it hits you harder than the day she passed.  It made it all too real to know she was not coming back.  If you have not had someone close to you pass, there are no words to describe what you go through.  I know we all have to go through it some point in our life, but I never thought that it would be so soon for me.  My mom was never sick. I'm not talking about colds, I am talking about major medical issues like diabetes, heart problems, etc.  She did complain about her back but she never let it get her down.  So when she finally told my dad she was tired, we knew something was wrong.

July, August, & September came and went just like they were supposed to.  All I know is that I worked and came home. Nothing eventful went on.  Still dealing with losing Mama, but I was handling it the best I could.

October was going to be another very hard month because of my Dad's birthday and what would have been their 52nd Anniversary.  I tried very hard to make Daddy's birthday as special as I could.  Took him out for breakfast and dinner, hoping that he wouldn't be unhappy.  All of my sisters called and wished him a happy birthday so that made him smile. On October 13th, Mama and Daddy would have celebrated 52 years of marriage.  I knew that I couldn't leave him that day.  This would be one of the hardest days so far for him.  We had our Christmas card picture taken that day so that was something to distract him but I could tell it was on his mind.  I know that I can never completely distract him from her memory, but I do want him to know that we love him and are there for him and that it is ok to not always think about her.  While trying to take care of my father, my work was getting the best of me.  I was being taken advantage of and working my tail end off and not being appreciated.  I was doing exactly what I was told to do with the thought of being promoted to manager because that was what I was being told was going to happen.  Well, I got hoodwinked.  I was passed over for someone hired outside of the company.  So needless to say, I was a little upset.  Nothing I could do really but to continue to work and start looking for another job.

November was a month to remember.  So far this year, it was one of the best ones.  I was still working and dreading everyday because I knew I wasn't as valued as they told me I was.  I know that I did have some days off but I really was working 7 days a week because I was constantly being called and asked questions about work. I really had started to give up looking for a job because it was getting close to the holidays and a lot of people weren't going to hire during this time of year, so I was going to really start looking after the first of the year.... stick it out where I was as much as I hated it.  Then I got a phone call....a temp agency called and said they had found a position for me.  The lady that sets up the interviews told me that she knows that this job was for me.  I went on the interview and went in confident!  When I left the interview, I knew I had done good.  They told me that she had more interviews and that they would let me know as soon as they could.  Not even 48 hours later, they offered me the job!!  Finally a job that I have the weekends off!!!  I didn't even let the phone hang up fully before I resigned from my old job.  I emailed the proper people and couldn't wait until my last day there.  Knowing that I wasn't going to be there much longer, I really didn't give them my all like I normally did.  I felt that they didn't care enough about me to even fight to keep me then I didn't have to fight to stay.  After eight months of barely getting any time off, I finally had a weekend off!  I had time to go spend with my family.  The Thursday before my last day, I had to put my Dad in the hospital.  I was so hoping that we could get through the rest of this year without any medical issues, but it happens.  I was worried that he wouldn't be home before I started my new job but he got out that Sunday morning. Monday the 19th came, it was like Christmas morning to a 7 year old... It was my first day at my new job.  I could barely sleep the night before because I was so excited.  My first day was awesome!  I know that this job was meant for me!  I work for a family owned independent insurance agency and they are such an awesome family! 

December... the time of year that we were not looking forward too.  None of my family was in the holiday spirit because of Mama not being with us.  She loved this time of year.  Daddy and I didn't put up the tree or any decorations... I just couldn't do it.  Daddy did, however, put out the lighted trees and deer out in the front yard.  Our hearts just wasn't into it this year.  I was really dreading my birthday, not because of the age I was turning but this year, I wasn't going to get my yearly call on the time that I was born.  Mama always loved calling us on the times we were born.  But to my surprise, my family, my work family and my church family helped me through the day with love, support, and cake!! Christmas came and it wasn't as sad as I thought it was going to be.  Don't get me wrong, I had Mama on my mind, but we all had a good time.  Courtney, my niece, was getting over her surgery that just happened to surprise her at this time.  But all and all, it was a pretty good day.

Now I am just waiting on this year to finally be over....the worst year of my life.  I just hope that I can take care of my dad like I promised my mom I would and make sure I can keep him going and getting better.  I am sure once we get past this coming April, I think it will all get better.... at least I hope.  I am asking you who read this to keep my Dad in your prayers.  Pray for continuing good health and that he can deal with the loss. 

Thank you all for helping get through this year... I love you all!

Monday, January 30, 2012

I am sorry....Let me explain

I know that I wanted to write everyday but things were placed in my path that were unavoidable and I couldn't find the time to blog.

My father's health took a turn and he spent some time in the hospital.  If you know me, I am a daddy's girl and it really hit me hard since I am not close to where he is at.  So when he gets sick and has to go into the hospital, it kills me that I can't be there.  This time, both of my parents got sick and I felt so helpless because I wasn't there. What hurt more was that I had no support from a person that I thought cared about me.  I was there for this person when his parent was sick and made sure that they were taken care of.  I tell this person about my father and they would rather sleep then tell me it was going to be OK.  Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't looking for this certain person to bend over backwards to make me feel better, but I just wanted a little more concern than what I got.  I wound up leaning on a shoulder of a friend that I would have never thought would be there for me like that.  But I am over it now and my father is on the track of getting better so that is what I am focusing on now.

I am going to be starting back with my trainer in February.  I talked with him about what was going on with my family and he said that I needed to focus on that and then when it evens out, we will start back so that I won't lose what I have already done.  I am 12lbs and 4 inches down and don't want to go backward.  My next training session is on Monday the 5th so that is when I am going to start back with my diet as well.  I am not really straying off it right now but I really haven't been really been watching it as close as I had.  I haven't fallen to far off the wagon so it shouldn't be that hard to get right back on track.

OK, so there you have it.  I am hopefully going to start back writing everyday but I am not going to promise it.  I will say this, I will do my very best to keep you all informed as much as I can.

See ya later!

Sunday, January 15, 2012

I missed a day...Let me explain...

I am sorry that I missed a day but last night I had a lot to do to prepare for a special lady...My sweet friend, Ansleigh Baxter.  I had to cook to prepare for her baby shower I was privileged to help put together.  The most credit goes to my friends Carra Rathburn, Beth Trammell, Natalie Thompson, and Karen Eller.  All I did was show up and help set things up.  I had 2 of the easiest jobs, making sausage balls and making punch(which turned out to be a HUGE hit).  I surprised Ansleigh.  I had to "lie" to her so she wouldn't find out.  I kept telling her I wish I could see her cute belly.  I don't get the chance to see any of my friends anymore because we live so far apart.  So today, I went back to my home Church and had a really good day.  I really do miss everyone so much and I hope that I can make it back more often.  I am going to try because I feel at home there and can't find another church that makes me feel that.

I still have an unfinished mission there and I will be back to fix it... stay tuned.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Friday the 13th...not really that bad

Usually when you see on the calendar that there is going to be a Friday the 13th, you cringe.  This one came so quick, I didn't have a chance to realize it was here.

I snowed where I worked today and Thank Goodness it didn't stick!  That really would have sucked!

Not much really going on today... I know that I will have something to talk about tomorrow.  At least I am keeping my word and writing at least something, even if it is just a few sentences.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Over 25 Years.... where did the time go?

Twenty-five years ago, I finally got to know what it felt like to become an aunt.  Now don't get me wrong, I had been an aunt for almost 3 years by then but I didn't know about those pregnancies and I wouldn't trade those times either.  My 1st nephew was born on 1-12-1987, Robert Clayton Buck II... Know known as Robert Clayton Anderson....**I will explain later**

This was the 1st pregnancy in our family that wasn't a surprise.  I got to watch my sister's belly grow and anticipate his arrival.  He was the first boy in my family, after 5 girls and 2 granddaughters, so you know that we REALLY spoiled him!! LOL  Still do!  He is now a grown man and I couldn't be any prouder if I was mother!  He was raised by 2 great people and one of those people loved him so much that she endured a lot to make him the man he is today... That person is my sister, Kim.  I love her and her other two children, Jacob(16) and Emma(11), very much and they are all blessed to have a wonderful mother like her.  

That whole family has been through a lot this year but GOD has blessed them and loved them through their pain.  They lost Kim's Husband, Steve, in March and he has been deeply missed.  I thank GOD for Steve's presence in Robert's life when Robert needed a positive role model.  Steve entered into Kim and Robert's life when Robert was around 5 years old.  Kim was taking care of him on her own and doing a great job.  After a couple of years of dating, Steve asked Robert if he could marry his mama...December 11,1993, they became a family.  Years later, after some issues I don't want to talk about, Robert asked Steve to take his last name.  That is why he is now known as Robert Clayton Anderson.  Steve was a great father to him, Jacob, and  Emma and I am thankful for that.

I now have 6 nieces(Courtney, Sonja, Kyla, Kirsten, Emma, Ariana) and 5 nephews (Robert, Jacob, Jeremiah, Aedan, Aleks) and I am a very proud Aunt of all of them. I want them to know that I do love them and they are all special to me in their own way.  I am far away from them but if they were to EVER need me, I will be there.  I love them as if they were my own children.  I have helped raise most of them.  

Robert can now share his birthday with my good friend Celeste's new bundle born today, Major Silas Cross... 8 pounds 2 ounces, 20 inches long at 4:40pm.  Although he isn't family, he is one of many "Extra" nieces and nephews that I have accumulated from my church family.  I love all those babies and when I get a chance to see them, I try my best to be there.  I am happy to say that there are more babies to come and I can't wait.  This has been a great day for reflection and I am glad that I now have a new "family" member.

Welcome to the world Major!  We have been patiently waiting to meet you!  Happy Birthday Robert, I love you so much!