Here is a recap of one of the worst years of my life...
Well, this year did NOT go the way I had hoped. I had big plans for the year, but GOD had other plans for me.
January started out OK. Nothing to big or monumental, but started out pretty good. Friends having babies, that is always good with me!
February was going along well. At the end of February 2012, the biggest detour of my life happened. My mother was diagnosed with Colon Cancer. Doctors were optimistic that she would be ok after surgery and strong enough to beat the cancer. I made a very big decision to move back home to take care of my mom so that she could focus on getting better.
March was a tough month. Knowing that I had to move in such a short time was tough on me. The moving wasn't the tough part, the being away from my mom while she was still recovering from surgery was. It was hard to have to tell my manager that I had to go. It wasn't the best job in the world, but I did like the people that I worked with, well some of them...LOL. I stuck through it and made sure I left that store in good hands. Leaving Atlanta hurt very bad but I knew what I was doing was right. I had no doubt in my mind. But I love Atlanta and all the people that became part of me while I was there. It was tough leaving them.
April...the last 25 days of my mother's life were the most precious moments that I will never forget. I was able to take care of her the way she took care of me for most of my life. Daddy and I took turns sleeping with her because she needed help getting up, needing a drink, or what ever she would ask for. I was up for 72 straight hours with her, and I wouldn't take nothing for that. On the last night she was in her own bed, before they put her in a hospital bed at home, she laid up against me and just slept. She slept peacefully for over 30 minutes, just laying up against me. That will be one memory I will hold onto for the rest of my life. Knowing that I helped give my mom peace from her pain long enough to rest is one of the best feelings I have ever felt. Two of my sisters and Aunt had come down from North Carolina to be with her and to help a few days before she left this earth. I was very grateful for some rest that I needed but wished I could have done it on my own because I told Mama that I would take care of her. Don't get me wrong, I knew that my sisters and my aunt (who was Mama's baby sister) needed their time with her too. I loved my time with her. We watched movies, talked, laughed... but didn't think we had such a short time left. Mama got weaker and finally asked for medicine to help. She never complained about pain to us, because she knew that we would worry. She was a very strong lady and fought until she couldn't fight anymore. She passed away peacefully on April 26th. I had just left for work and kissed her on the head that morning and told her that I would be back as soon as I could....I hoped she heard that I told her that I loved her before she passed. The next couple of days were a blur with preparations for her burial. We did everything that she wanted, nothing more. We laid her to rest on April 28th.
May, I really don't remember much but do know that it truly was hard to get through. Now that I am taking care of my father, I at least had that to occupy my time. Trying hard not to upset him, giving him time to himself so that he could grieve. I went back to work hoping that it would get my mind off of my pain.
June, another hard month because Mama's birthday is June 23rd. It took us a while to get Mama's headstone and we had hoped it would be in before her birthday. It was hard going to see her and all that was there was a small plaquard with her name typed on a card. Finally a couple of days before her birthday, the headstone came in. There is a song that states "It really sinks in, you know... When you see it, in stone." Those words never rang more true than that day. I knew she was not here, that's not it... but when you see it, written in stone, it hits you harder than the day she passed. It made it all too real to know she was not coming back. If you have not had someone close to you pass, there are no words to describe what you go through. I know we all have to go through it some point in our life, but I never thought that it would be so soon for me. My mom was never sick. I'm not talking about colds, I am talking about major medical issues like diabetes, heart problems, etc. She did complain about her back but she never let it get her down. So when she finally told my dad she was tired, we knew something was wrong.
July, August, & September came and went just like they were supposed to. All I know is that I worked and came home. Nothing eventful went on. Still dealing with losing Mama, but I was handling it the best I could.
October was going to be another very hard month because of my Dad's birthday and what would have been their 52nd Anniversary. I tried very hard to make Daddy's birthday as special as I could. Took him out for breakfast and dinner, hoping that he wouldn't be unhappy. All of my sisters called and wished him a happy birthday so that made him smile. On October 13th, Mama and Daddy would have celebrated 52 years of marriage. I knew that I couldn't leave him that day. This would be one of the hardest days so far for him. We had our Christmas card picture taken that day so that was something to distract him but I could tell it was on his mind. I know that I can never completely distract him from her memory, but I do want him to know that we love him and are there for him and that it is ok to not always think about her. While trying to take care of my father, my work was getting the best of me. I was being taken advantage of and working my tail end off and not being appreciated. I was doing exactly what I was told to do with the thought of being promoted to manager because that was what I was being told was going to happen. Well, I got hoodwinked. I was passed over for someone hired outside of the company. So needless to say, I was a little upset. Nothing I could do really but to continue to work and start looking for another job.
November was a month to remember. So far this year, it was one of the best ones. I was still working and dreading everyday because I knew I wasn't as valued as they told me I was. I know that I did have some days off but I really was working 7 days a week because I was constantly being called and asked questions about work. I really had started to give up looking for a job because it was getting close to the holidays and a lot of people weren't going to hire during this time of year, so I was going to really start looking after the first of the year.... stick it out where I was as much as I hated it. Then I got a phone call....a temp agency called and said they had found a position for me. The lady that sets up the interviews told me that she knows that this job was for me. I went on the interview and went in confident! When I left the interview, I knew I had done good. They told me that she had more interviews and that they would let me know as soon as they could. Not even 48 hours later, they offered me the job!! Finally a job that I have the weekends off!!! I didn't even let the phone hang up fully before I resigned from my old job. I emailed the proper people and couldn't wait until my last day there. Knowing that I wasn't going to be there much longer, I really didn't give them my all like I normally did. I felt that they didn't care enough about me to even fight to keep me then I didn't have to fight to stay. After eight months of barely getting any time off, I finally had a weekend off! I had time to go spend with my family. The Thursday before my last day, I had to put my Dad in the hospital. I was so hoping that we could get through the rest of this year without any medical issues, but it happens. I was worried that he wouldn't be home before I started my new job but he got out that Sunday morning. Monday the 19th came, it was like Christmas morning to a 7 year old... It was my first day at my new job. I could barely sleep the night before because I was so excited. My first day was awesome! I know that this job was meant for me! I work for a family owned independent insurance agency and they are such an awesome family!
December... the time of year that we were not looking forward too. None of my family was in the holiday spirit because of Mama not being with us. She loved this time of year. Daddy and I didn't put up the tree or any decorations... I just couldn't do it. Daddy did, however, put out the lighted trees and deer out in the front yard. Our hearts just wasn't into it this year. I was really dreading my birthday, not because of the age I was turning but this year, I wasn't going to get my yearly call on the time that I was born. Mama always loved calling us on the times we were born. But to my surprise, my family, my work family and my church family helped me through the day with love, support, and cake!! Christmas came and it wasn't as sad as I thought it was going to be. Don't get me wrong, I had Mama on my mind, but we all had a good time. Courtney, my niece, was getting over her surgery that just happened to surprise her at this time. But all and all, it was a pretty good day.
Now I am just waiting on this year to finally be over....the worst year of my life. I just hope that I can take care of my dad like I promised my mom I would and make sure I can keep him going and getting better. I am sure once we get past this coming April, I think it will all get better.... at least I hope. I am asking you who read this to keep my Dad in your prayers. Pray for continuing good health and that he can deal with the loss.
Thank you all for helping get through this year... I love you all!
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