Yesterday reminded me of somethings that we should reflect on everyday and not just on a federal holiday. We have come a long way since the 50s and 60s, but have we changed our ways of thinking? Racism is still previlent today but not in everyone's face as it was back then. We no longer have the signs up in the restaurants or over the water fountain. We are now getting our education the same way, at least I think we are(after what happened this past year in Georgia and the standardized tests, I am not so sure). But do some of us still have that anger that was instilled in our parents inside of us?
**Warning** I may say something that doesn't agree with you but that doesn't mean I think that way today. I am just putting it out there for you to think about.
I grew up in a family that used a word that was derogatory to black people. I heard it used in everyday language from my parents. When I was little, I thought that was ok since my parents talked that way. I had friends from school that were black, but was never allowed to bring them home because of their color. When I was little, I never put the two together until I got older and realized how wrong that was. Not all black people were that word. I am not going to say or write that word because I don't like it, so I hope you know what I mean. As I grew up, the more I started hating that word. I don't know when I stopped using it but it has been a very long time. Yes, I had to read it in Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer and other books in school, but that didn't mean I liked it. As a matter of fact, I hated those books. Sorry Mark Twain! They just weren't what I wanted or liked to read. I know what some of you are going to say, "But your favorite movie is GONE WITH THE WIND." You are correct, but that was made about a part of our history that just so happened to be a very bad part for all people, not just black people. Sorry, got off track. Like I was saying, that word sends shivers down my spine when I hear it. I hear it more now than I ever did in my house because now it is being used as a "term of endearment." Jay Z said on Oprah a couple of months ago, and I am paraphrasing, "When you take the power from the word, it doesn't mean what it was used for anymore." I disagree. I don't think that word needs to be used in any way. I find it hurtful and I know I don't want to be called some derogatory name in jest. That word was used in such a horrible time in the past, you would think black people would not want to use it at all! Shouldn't it remind them why it was used back then? Shouldn't it want them to get that word out of people's mouths so they won't have to hear it? Why do you want to take a word like that and make it a term of endearment? Next thing you know "C U Next Tuesday" will be a pet name!!! And that is another word I DETEST!
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., said "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character." If Dr. King were alive today, I don't think that he would want that word used at all. He wanted us to come together, love one another, and not live with hate because of the color of our skin. I heard this on TV last night, "GOD made the human race, the human race made racism." Why do we have to act the way we do? Is it because of some rap song says you are supposed to beat up women, or kill people? Do you do what famous people tell you too because they make more money than you do and you think they are smarter? Well, by the looks of Hollywood today, I don't want to be famous and it they tell me I should do something, I am not listening! I hope that you are smarter than that. I know that you can find better role models than that. I understand that some people still harbor ill will to some races, but that was so long ago. Things have changed. Why can't we just move on and not dwell on the past. We can't change what happened, but we can learn from it and make it better! So why don't we do what Dr. King said in his famous speech, "With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksand of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children."
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
Yes I am still blogging and Where's my mail?
Before I get to the topic at hand, I want to first say this. If I write something on here, I will NOT use your name or intentionally write something on here to hurt your feelings. Like I said in my preface, and I quote, "Here is where I will "unload" my thoughts, comments, and such so I won't step on any toes... well I may, but names will be changed to protect, I am sure you can probably figure out who you are... I just won't say :o)". I give fair warning but I guess I should go ahead and apologize ahead of time because I realize now that what ever I say will more than likely offend someone. I do that so I won't hold all of these feelings inside and wait to "EXPLODE" on those who I am feeling these things towards. So I am going to continue to blog and UNLOAD my feelings.
Ok, now onto bigger issues.... WHERE IS MY MAIL? I ordered a couple of things a little over a week ago and I still haven't received them. I understand that Atlanta was under a ton of ice and snow, but correct me if I am wrong but isn't the U S Post Office motto "Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds"? I WANT MY CLOTHES AND DVDs!!!!! I understand that we couldn't get out for a couple of days, but couldn't they deliver what mail they had? I am sure they had some coupons that I didn't need or an insurance form for me being old and need coverage, or a bill I don't want... really WHERE IS MY MAIL? Also, since email and texting, hasn't letters being mailed dropped significantly so there really isn't that much mail anymore, so how come they can't deliver my mail that I want? They can't say I wasn't home... I was.... for 2 days! If my things haven't shown up in the next 3 days, I am going to get POSTAL!!! LOL Just kidding! I don't own a gun and don't have the money to buy one so you won't be seeing me on the news. All I want are my new clothes and dvds so that I can workout to look good in my new clothes.
Is that too much to ask?
Ok, now onto bigger issues.... WHERE IS MY MAIL? I ordered a couple of things a little over a week ago and I still haven't received them. I understand that Atlanta was under a ton of ice and snow, but correct me if I am wrong but isn't the U S Post Office motto "Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds"? I WANT MY CLOTHES AND DVDs!!!!! I understand that we couldn't get out for a couple of days, but couldn't they deliver what mail they had? I am sure they had some coupons that I didn't need or an insurance form for me being old and need coverage, or a bill I don't want... really WHERE IS MY MAIL? Also, since email and texting, hasn't letters being mailed dropped significantly so there really isn't that much mail anymore, so how come they can't deliver my mail that I want? They can't say I wasn't home... I was.... for 2 days! If my things haven't shown up in the next 3 days, I am going to get POSTAL!!! LOL Just kidding! I don't own a gun and don't have the money to buy one so you won't be seeing me on the news. All I want are my new clothes and dvds so that I can workout to look good in my new clothes.
Is that too much to ask?
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Sorry, just haven't been me lately
I know I haven't written in the last couple of days, but I really haven't been myself. I guess it started on Tuesday, after being stuck in my apartment for 2 days straight with one of my roommates, who I found out is VERY inconsiderate. He isn't as inconsiderate as one person who shall remain nameless, but you would think if you asked someone to help you when you needed it, they wouldn't have to be BEGGED! Well enough about that, because if I am forced to think about it again, I will GO OFF! I promise to be more of myself soon.
Things are slowly getting back to normal here in Atlanta. The roads are still a little hazardous but improving. Schools are still out. Work is going ok. Some of our property is an ice skating rink and trust me I will not be trying out for the winter olympics anytime soon! I have never seen ice so thick! The way our property is laid out, where the ice is, the sun doesn't shine there so it WON'T MELT! And where our front door is, the same thing is happening. What ice is melting, the water is accumulating at our front door and refreezing. I have called and gone to all of the hardware stores and other stores to find de-icer, salt, sand, kitty litter, or whatever would help but all of Atlanta is OUT! So we are just going to have to ride it out. And trying to get the customers to not drive or walk on property is another story. I had a customer get rather angry at me because she wanted to move out of her spaces but her spaces are where the ice is and an 18 wheeler can't get down there or it would get stuck. She asked me, "Why weren't you prepared for this?" Ummm, excuse me but how am I supposed to know that we would have 6 inches of snow and 4 inches of ice? I am not a weather man and they said that the southern part wouldn't get all of that! I am not Mother Nature! Sorry I didn't contact her and ask her to hold off until my customer moved out to cripple Atlanta. I just really don't get the public sometimes.
Well, now that I have gotten that off my chest, I can safely say that I do feel better.
I hope that I have made you happy(you know who you are).
Until tomorrow!
Things are slowly getting back to normal here in Atlanta. The roads are still a little hazardous but improving. Schools are still out. Work is going ok. Some of our property is an ice skating rink and trust me I will not be trying out for the winter olympics anytime soon! I have never seen ice so thick! The way our property is laid out, where the ice is, the sun doesn't shine there so it WON'T MELT! And where our front door is, the same thing is happening. What ice is melting, the water is accumulating at our front door and refreezing. I have called and gone to all of the hardware stores and other stores to find de-icer, salt, sand, kitty litter, or whatever would help but all of Atlanta is OUT! So we are just going to have to ride it out. And trying to get the customers to not drive or walk on property is another story. I had a customer get rather angry at me because she wanted to move out of her spaces but her spaces are where the ice is and an 18 wheeler can't get down there or it would get stuck. She asked me, "Why weren't you prepared for this?" Ummm, excuse me but how am I supposed to know that we would have 6 inches of snow and 4 inches of ice? I am not a weather man and they said that the southern part wouldn't get all of that! I am not Mother Nature! Sorry I didn't contact her and ask her to hold off until my customer moved out to cripple Atlanta. I just really don't get the public sometimes.
Well, now that I have gotten that off my chest, I can safely say that I do feel better.
I hope that I have made you happy(you know who you are).
Until tomorrow!
Monday, January 10, 2011
6 inches of snow... and no sled
Well while I have power, I thought I would write since I can't get out to get to work. I was told to turn around by the very nice Atlanta Police unless it was an extreme emergency. It took me almost 20 minutes just to get out of my apartment complex!
It started coming down around 9:30 last night, but by 10, we had 3 inches! In only 30 mins! I knew we were in for a long night if it came down that quickly. But before Atlanta started to get anything, I started a fire. I figured it would be nice and cozy and almost like in a movie if it started to snow. I was going to make me some low fat, low calorie hot chocolate but couldn't get the fire going really good. So my roommate asked if we had any paper or something to burn and I said I have some magazines or some old papers we could burn. As I was getting up to go look for the paper, I noticed something that would definitely help get the fire started.... our christmas tree. I know what you are thinking, why do you still have it up? My other roommate's birthday is today and we were leaving it up for her birthday. Anyway, I broke off a branch and realized that the tree is VERY dry and it should have been gone a long time ago! I put the branch on the fire and WOW... I never realized how dangerous a christmas tree could be! It sounded like fireworks going off and the heat from the fire place was VERY HOT!! All I can say is, it got the fire going! So if we run out of wood and if we lose power, our christmas tree will save us in more ways then one.
I looked out the window this morning and saw peace and tranquility... then I heard the sirens. Why can't people just listen to what the news says and just don't chance it. Yes, I was one of those, but I was expected to go to work. I tried but couldn't get through, but I did go as slow as I could. But at least I made it back home and didn't harm anyone. I am hoping we get to keep our power. So far so good.
If we keep power, I will blog later. If not, you all stay safe and warm and I will blog when I can!
It started coming down around 9:30 last night, but by 10, we had 3 inches! In only 30 mins! I knew we were in for a long night if it came down that quickly. But before Atlanta started to get anything, I started a fire. I figured it would be nice and cozy and almost like in a movie if it started to snow. I was going to make me some low fat, low calorie hot chocolate but couldn't get the fire going really good. So my roommate asked if we had any paper or something to burn and I said I have some magazines or some old papers we could burn. As I was getting up to go look for the paper, I noticed something that would definitely help get the fire started.... our christmas tree. I know what you are thinking, why do you still have it up? My other roommate's birthday is today and we were leaving it up for her birthday. Anyway, I broke off a branch and realized that the tree is VERY dry and it should have been gone a long time ago! I put the branch on the fire and WOW... I never realized how dangerous a christmas tree could be! It sounded like fireworks going off and the heat from the fire place was VERY HOT!! All I can say is, it got the fire going! So if we run out of wood and if we lose power, our christmas tree will save us in more ways then one.
I looked out the window this morning and saw peace and tranquility... then I heard the sirens. Why can't people just listen to what the news says and just don't chance it. Yes, I was one of those, but I was expected to go to work. I tried but couldn't get through, but I did go as slow as I could. But at least I made it back home and didn't harm anyone. I am hoping we get to keep our power. So far so good.
If we keep power, I will blog later. If not, you all stay safe and warm and I will blog when I can!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Ice and snow.... STAY AWAY!!
For my loyal fans, I want to apologize for not posting yesterday. The only excuse that I can give you is that I was exhausted and just crashed when I got home from work. After dealing with customers nearly all day, I had to go "panic" shopping last night to get ready for this winter storm that is headed our way. I understand that we may get some bad weather, but do you have to freak out over a loaf of bread? I saw a woman last night yell at a man for grabbing at "her" loaf of bread. She already had 5 in her cart! I just got what I thought I would need and went to pay for it, WHICH TOOK.... only 15 mins... hahaha Thought I was gonna say an hour or something. LOL... I just lucked up when someone with a full cart backed out of an aisle, so I swooped in and took their spot! I bought about 6 bags of wood just in case the power went out so that me and my roomies would at least have heat. Anyway, a fire in a fireplace does make snow a lot more bearable! :o)
Why does the mention of the word snow drive the south into such a panic? I mean, when I was a kid, I BEGGED for it to snow... But now as an adult, if I hear that four letter word, it ticks me off! Not that it is going to snow, but for the simple fact that that is when the complete idiot drivers come out! They are predicting 4-7 inches for Atlanta on Monday, which I have to work a full shift from 9-6 if I can make it to work. Ok, so the weather channel or some tv news center has given the warning.... PANIC INSUES!!!! More than likely, it won't be as bad as they say... fingers crossed... but if it is, there really isn't anything that we can do to stop Mother Nature! Things like this happen every 10 to 20 years, can't change the cycle. So why don't we all just calm down, relax, and just let it happen. If they saw don't go out, THEN DON'T GO OUT! Don't make others suffer because you didn't heed the weather man's warning! I calmly went out after work last night and got what I needed, didn't plow anyone over for milk or bread, just got my things and left. That simple.... I knew not to do it today because all the procrastinators are going to clean out the shelves today!
So here is some simple advice to all my "one" reader (lol), please be safe and smart. Make sure you have something to keep you occupied and your belly full so you won't have to go out into the "panic strickened' world to find the LAST loaf of bread. Enjoy the view, I know it will be beautiful with snow, it always is.
Stay warm!
Why does the mention of the word snow drive the south into such a panic? I mean, when I was a kid, I BEGGED for it to snow... But now as an adult, if I hear that four letter word, it ticks me off! Not that it is going to snow, but for the simple fact that that is when the complete idiot drivers come out! They are predicting 4-7 inches for Atlanta on Monday, which I have to work a full shift from 9-6 if I can make it to work. Ok, so the weather channel or some tv news center has given the warning.... PANIC INSUES!!!! More than likely, it won't be as bad as they say... fingers crossed... but if it is, there really isn't anything that we can do to stop Mother Nature! Things like this happen every 10 to 20 years, can't change the cycle. So why don't we all just calm down, relax, and just let it happen. If they saw don't go out, THEN DON'T GO OUT! Don't make others suffer because you didn't heed the weather man's warning! I calmly went out after work last night and got what I needed, didn't plow anyone over for milk or bread, just got my things and left. That simple.... I knew not to do it today because all the procrastinators are going to clean out the shelves today!
So here is some simple advice to all my "one" reader (lol), please be safe and smart. Make sure you have something to keep you occupied and your belly full so you won't have to go out into the "panic strickened' world to find the LAST loaf of bread. Enjoy the view, I know it will be beautiful with snow, it always is.
Stay warm!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Facebook cuts deep...Gone With the Wind style
I never realized how bad facebook can be. I am not talking about my addiction I have to it, I am talking about the new profile they redesigned to show pictures of the albums friends have. That really isn't bad but let me explain a little bit. I am going through a rough part in my life that some know about. I really don't need to be telling everyone my business but what are blogs for? And I did say that I would change names so that the people that I do write about will be protected if the others who read this don't know them... but this is a part of my life that I can't burden on anyone, so no graphic details will be given.
Anyway, getting back to what facebook did to me today. I woke up and as usual logged on to FB and was going to write on a friends page and what was the first thing that I saw... A picture of my soon-to-be-ex-husband. :o( I haven't seen him or a picture of him for a couple of months now and was doing really good until today. I didn't cry but I could feel my heart crack... right back in the same place that had started to mend. When will I be able to not feel this pain? When will I be able to see a picture or see him and not feel like the day that he told me he didn't want to be with me anymore? I feel like I want to just break everything around me to make it stop! But it won't change anything. I have to just learn how to get over it but until he is completely out of my life, I can't get over it. I am still married to him because neither one of us can afford a divorce. I know I am going to get a lot of people telling me how to do it but that is easier said than done. YOU don't have to go through this! YOU probably have the money to do it! I AM NOT A BANK! I have to live on what is left of my paycheck for two weeks. I now have to save up for another clutch for my car because it burnt out on Dec 23rd, and that isn't CHEAP! I still have to clean up the mess he left me in, and HE gets to do whatever he wants because he runs from all of his problems and he leaves the mess for others to clean up. Sorry, but I hear from everyone how quick I can "get rid of him" but they don't know what I am dealing with. How can they tell me how to fix it if they don't know what I am going through? So please, don't tell me how to go about getting a divorce. I know how to do it but until you contribute to the "Leigh Anne Divorce Fund" please keep your quick fixes to yourself until I ask for help. I know that sounded harsh, but I am just tired of hearing from everyone on how to "fix" my life. Just let me take care of me and if I need your help or advice, I will ask.
A friend of mine made a comment about my favorite movie of all time, Gone With the Wind. She said that I was playing Scarlett. GOD I wish I had her strength!! But just thinking about the movie made me realize something.. what I am going through is the complete opposite, I am playing Rhett, without his millions, haha.
Let me break it down for you... Rhett fell in love with Scarlett, and did what he could to make her happy. Scarlett had friendly feelings for him but never truly loved him the way she should have. He bought her things that she wanted, did what she asked, and never said anything because his love for her was what he lived for. Meanwhile, Scarlett was madly in love with Ashley but he didn't feel the same for her, he loved Melanie. Scarlett bent over backwards to show her feelings for him, but he didn't pay any attention. In the end, all the characters finally realized who they really loved and everyone lost the people they loved. Ok, that was the movie. Now let me show you how similar my life went.... now the ending is going to be different, but the beginning is kinda the same (Now I am going to use the character names in the way it pertains to my life, even though the genders are going to be mixed up, so I hope I don't confuse you too much)... I met "Scarlett" and fell really hard. "Scarlett" told me he loved me and I believed him. So I preceded to make him happy by buying the things he wanted, working really hard and being the person he wanted me to be. We marry and try to build a life for ourselves. We have our ups and downs like any couple going through trying times. I finding out later, "Scarlett" still has feelings for his ex "Ashley", but was told by several of "Scarlett's" family, there would be no way "Ashley" would ever take "Scarlett" back. "Scarlett" and me, "Rhett" went through our own civil war and I thought our relationship was going to be stronger because "Scarlett" had promised me things were going to change. Well, I fell for "Scarlett's" charm once again. Then out of the blue, unlike the movie, "Scarlett" left me for "Ashley". This is where Rhett is supposed to say, "I don't give a damn," but in my story, Rhett says, "What just happened?"....my story is still continuing, but in the movie, the Real Scarlett says "I will think about that tomorrow" and goes off and lives her life. Why can't I be SCARLETT???? Why can't I just push everything aside and move on? I thought I was doing so much better, but one picture pushed me right back to the very second my heart was obliterated!
I feel better now getting some of what I am feeling down, but my heart still has a little bit of pain. I don't want to not be friends with the facebook friend that had his picture because we are kinda close. But I don't know if I can look at that friends profile anymore because of what I might see. ARRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Why is this so hard?!?!?!?!
Well I have to go to work now. I am going to find the strength to get through this but don't expect me to be smiling today.
Anyway, getting back to what facebook did to me today. I woke up and as usual logged on to FB and was going to write on a friends page and what was the first thing that I saw... A picture of my soon-to-be-ex-husband. :o( I haven't seen him or a picture of him for a couple of months now and was doing really good until today. I didn't cry but I could feel my heart crack... right back in the same place that had started to mend. When will I be able to not feel this pain? When will I be able to see a picture or see him and not feel like the day that he told me he didn't want to be with me anymore? I feel like I want to just break everything around me to make it stop! But it won't change anything. I have to just learn how to get over it but until he is completely out of my life, I can't get over it. I am still married to him because neither one of us can afford a divorce. I know I am going to get a lot of people telling me how to do it but that is easier said than done. YOU don't have to go through this! YOU probably have the money to do it! I AM NOT A BANK! I have to live on what is left of my paycheck for two weeks. I now have to save up for another clutch for my car because it burnt out on Dec 23rd, and that isn't CHEAP! I still have to clean up the mess he left me in, and HE gets to do whatever he wants because he runs from all of his problems and he leaves the mess for others to clean up. Sorry, but I hear from everyone how quick I can "get rid of him" but they don't know what I am dealing with. How can they tell me how to fix it if they don't know what I am going through? So please, don't tell me how to go about getting a divorce. I know how to do it but until you contribute to the "Leigh Anne Divorce Fund" please keep your quick fixes to yourself until I ask for help. I know that sounded harsh, but I am just tired of hearing from everyone on how to "fix" my life. Just let me take care of me and if I need your help or advice, I will ask.
A friend of mine made a comment about my favorite movie of all time, Gone With the Wind. She said that I was playing Scarlett. GOD I wish I had her strength!! But just thinking about the movie made me realize something.. what I am going through is the complete opposite, I am playing Rhett, without his millions, haha.
Let me break it down for you... Rhett fell in love with Scarlett, and did what he could to make her happy. Scarlett had friendly feelings for him but never truly loved him the way she should have. He bought her things that she wanted, did what she asked, and never said anything because his love for her was what he lived for. Meanwhile, Scarlett was madly in love with Ashley but he didn't feel the same for her, he loved Melanie. Scarlett bent over backwards to show her feelings for him, but he didn't pay any attention. In the end, all the characters finally realized who they really loved and everyone lost the people they loved. Ok, that was the movie. Now let me show you how similar my life went.... now the ending is going to be different, but the beginning is kinda the same (Now I am going to use the character names in the way it pertains to my life, even though the genders are going to be mixed up, so I hope I don't confuse you too much)... I met "Scarlett" and fell really hard. "Scarlett" told me he loved me and I believed him. So I preceded to make him happy by buying the things he wanted, working really hard and being the person he wanted me to be. We marry and try to build a life for ourselves. We have our ups and downs like any couple going through trying times. I finding out later, "Scarlett" still has feelings for his ex "Ashley", but was told by several of "Scarlett's" family, there would be no way "Ashley" would ever take "Scarlett" back. "Scarlett" and me, "Rhett" went through our own civil war and I thought our relationship was going to be stronger because "Scarlett" had promised me things were going to change. Well, I fell for "Scarlett's" charm once again. Then out of the blue, unlike the movie, "Scarlett" left me for "Ashley". This is where Rhett is supposed to say, "I don't give a damn," but in my story, Rhett says, "What just happened?"....my story is still continuing, but in the movie, the Real Scarlett says "I will think about that tomorrow" and goes off and lives her life. Why can't I be SCARLETT???? Why can't I just push everything aside and move on? I thought I was doing so much better, but one picture pushed me right back to the very second my heart was obliterated!
I feel better now getting some of what I am feeling down, but my heart still has a little bit of pain. I don't want to not be friends with the facebook friend that had his picture because we are kinda close. But I don't know if I can look at that friends profile anymore because of what I might see. ARRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Why is this so hard?!?!?!?!
Well I have to go to work now. I am going to find the strength to get through this but don't expect me to be smiling today.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Gut Punch...
You wake up and think that today is going to be an "OK" kind of day. Then you go to the mail box... Today I got summons to court. No, not Jury Duty but something that I was hoping I wouldn't have to deal with so soon. I won't go into detail because it is a private matter, but some of my friends know and will help me get through this. I can tell you that the outcome of this matter will either make my life a little bit better to handle or make it harder for a short while.... I am hoping for better.
There are some things in life that you wish you never go through. But as they say, Life always throws you curve balls. I think I need to go to the batting cage! In the past few months, I have had a lot of ups and downs... more downs than I wanted but I am managing just fine. It really is hard dealing with some of the things I am going through alone but I know once I get most of these things behind me, I know I will look back and see how far I have come.
A couple of years ago, I went through a REALLY bad, stupid time in my life and thought I would never make it out of the hole I created for myself. I believed I was helping someone by sending them money and it turns out I was being scammed. I thought I was smarter than that! I thought I would never fall for any of those tricks, but GULLIBLE me fell hook, line, and sinker! But, I can safely say, I learned my lesson. My point is, I made it through. I found a "ladder" and got out of the hole. So no matter what life gives you, you can make it through. GOD never gives you any more than you can handle. HE allows these things to happen to show you how strong you really are.
So with what I have to go through in the next couple of weeks, I know I will get through this, put it behind me, and move on. I just hope the outcome of the court proceeding teaches someone else a lesson as well.
Now on to a little bit better news.... I have lost 8 pounds! I am so shocked at this! Tomorrow is the last day of my 7 day cleanse and I was supposed to have lost between 5-7 pounds. I guess I am better than average!!! LOL!!!! I hope that after tomorrow, I will be able to maintain my calorie intake and be as productive in losing the weight like I have this week. I had a bit of a challenge tonight when I came home from work. I walked into the house and smelled a wonderful smell... my roommate was cooking something mouth watering! He was making pork chops and rice. That would have been a good meal if the chops weren't fried and the rice wasn't butter garlic flavored!! BUT I DID NOT CAVE! I ate my planned meal and drank my water! And to add more salt to the wound, so to speak, he also made rice crispy treats! But like I said, I stuck to my meal plan. As much as I wanted to eat that great smelling food and devour the rice crispy treats, I turned my back and walked away. I am pretty proud of myself!
So on that note... Good Night!
There are some things in life that you wish you never go through. But as they say, Life always throws you curve balls. I think I need to go to the batting cage! In the past few months, I have had a lot of ups and downs... more downs than I wanted but I am managing just fine. It really is hard dealing with some of the things I am going through alone but I know once I get most of these things behind me, I know I will look back and see how far I have come.
A couple of years ago, I went through a REALLY bad, stupid time in my life and thought I would never make it out of the hole I created for myself. I believed I was helping someone by sending them money and it turns out I was being scammed. I thought I was smarter than that! I thought I would never fall for any of those tricks, but GULLIBLE me fell hook, line, and sinker! But, I can safely say, I learned my lesson. My point is, I made it through. I found a "ladder" and got out of the hole. So no matter what life gives you, you can make it through. GOD never gives you any more than you can handle. HE allows these things to happen to show you how strong you really are.
So with what I have to go through in the next couple of weeks, I know I will get through this, put it behind me, and move on. I just hope the outcome of the court proceeding teaches someone else a lesson as well.
Now on to a little bit better news.... I have lost 8 pounds! I am so shocked at this! Tomorrow is the last day of my 7 day cleanse and I was supposed to have lost between 5-7 pounds. I guess I am better than average!!! LOL!!!! I hope that after tomorrow, I will be able to maintain my calorie intake and be as productive in losing the weight like I have this week. I had a bit of a challenge tonight when I came home from work. I walked into the house and smelled a wonderful smell... my roommate was cooking something mouth watering! He was making pork chops and rice. That would have been a good meal if the chops weren't fried and the rice wasn't butter garlic flavored!! BUT I DID NOT CAVE! I ate my planned meal and drank my water! And to add more salt to the wound, so to speak, he also made rice crispy treats! But like I said, I stuck to my meal plan. As much as I wanted to eat that great smelling food and devour the rice crispy treats, I turned my back and walked away. I am pretty proud of myself!
So on that note... Good Night!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
The hard part
Well, I did it. I wrote my first letter and actually sent it in an email to that person. That was the hardest thing I have ever had to write. But I did it and didn't cry. I had already told myself I was going to allow tears because I knew writing this one particular letter would definitely be the one where the tears would flow. Deep down in my soul, I know this person isn't going to read it. And if they do, they won't take what I told them to heart. It will be another thing to get mad at me for. I use to worry about when people got mad at me but with this person, I don't care anymore. They hurt me so bad that it made me a stronger person. I now am going after what I want and could care less what other people think. I always was the one to make sure everyone around me was happy and forgot about me. I can't always please everyone. The only people that I need to please is GOD and myself and if you don't like what I am doing, then you are going to have to take it up with someone who cares. I know it is going to be harder to do it than to say it but for right now, it is working for me. It has taken 37 years for me to figure out that I am worth something! I still love on people and want them to be happy. But I NEED to focus on me for right now.
I kinda got my heart stepped on today when I made the phone call to set up my appointment with someone at the college I want to attend. They told me that I would have to go through the college's catalog and pick an area where I wanted to go and talk to someone in that department. Umm, excuse me, but I am calling to talk to someone to help me do just that!!!! I don't know what I want to do!!!!! I need some help and when you answered the phone, you asked me how you could help me and now you don't want to do that?!?!?!?! Now, I am momentarily at a crossroads in my search for education. I was hoping that I could tell you tonight that I was on my way, but now I am stuck with my flashers on. At least both lights are giving me direction, but I have to figure out if I want to go left or right. Or do I need to go straight?
Until I figure out what I want to do, I still have some more letters to write. I also have to make a list of things that I want to do this year. I have already made plans to take some beach trips and I'm going to go visit my niece for Mardi Gras. But there are some things that I want to do around where I live. Atlanta is a wonderful city full of things to do. I just wish I had the money to do them all! I am sure I will get to do them but it will be spread out during the year or coming years. I also want to go back to Mississippi to see my friends from high school. I have caught up with them over facebook, but it isn't the same. I miss them so much and want to go back in time and do it all over again!! Well....maybe not the hairstyles! LOL!!
Well, time to do my laundry and cook my dinner.
I kinda got my heart stepped on today when I made the phone call to set up my appointment with someone at the college I want to attend. They told me that I would have to go through the college's catalog and pick an area where I wanted to go and talk to someone in that department. Umm, excuse me, but I am calling to talk to someone to help me do just that!!!! I don't know what I want to do!!!!! I need some help and when you answered the phone, you asked me how you could help me and now you don't want to do that?!?!?!?! Now, I am momentarily at a crossroads in my search for education. I was hoping that I could tell you tonight that I was on my way, but now I am stuck with my flashers on. At least both lights are giving me direction, but I have to figure out if I want to go left or right. Or do I need to go straight?
Until I figure out what I want to do, I still have some more letters to write. I also have to make a list of things that I want to do this year. I have already made plans to take some beach trips and I'm going to go visit my niece for Mardi Gras. But there are some things that I want to do around where I live. Atlanta is a wonderful city full of things to do. I just wish I had the money to do them all! I am sure I will get to do them but it will be spread out during the year or coming years. I also want to go back to Mississippi to see my friends from high school. I have caught up with them over facebook, but it isn't the same. I miss them so much and want to go back in time and do it all over again!! Well....maybe not the hairstyles! LOL!!
Well, time to do my laundry and cook my dinner.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
One more thing I have promised myself...
This isn't part of my New Year, New ME, but it seems like when something has been on my mind and GOD wants me to do it, I am going to get so many signs to go for, it ain't even funny. Tomorrow, I am going to call a local college and set up an appointment with a career counselor so that I can go back to school. It has been on my mind since my life drastically changed a couple of months ago. I went to school for Early Childhood but didn't get to finish. I really do feel if that is what I am supposed to do, then I would have finished it. So I will make my appointment tomorrow so that I can start that part of my journey. I don't know what educational path I am going to go down, but I will let you know as soon as I find out.
Another thing that I am going to work on tomorrow is my letters to the people who I need to write. I am really not looking forward to this part but it has to be done. I don't want to keep harboring these feelings anymore. There are things that I need to tell these people so that I can put it behind me and move on. They may never know what I say, but after it is written down, I know I will feel better. I will pray over those letters and if I feel the need to send them, I will. I am even going to start "mending fences" between people I think I have done wrong. I am not perfect, I know that. I think I am a good person, and I don't like to hurt people. If you get a letter of apology from me, then I want you to know how sorry I am and hope that you can forgive me. But if you get a letter from me and it really isn't what you want to hear, sorry but I think you need to start thinking about how you treat people.
Ok, sorry didn't really mean to spew that on you.
I am sitting here watching The Biggest Loser and I just can't help but hurt for those people. I know that I am not skinny and I am working on feeling better, but some of these people need to lose over 200 lbs to even reach a healthy weight or where they should be according to doctors. It brings tears to my eyes when I hear the stories of these contestants because I hear myself in all of those stories. I am only 4 days into this and I had a really hard day today. For some reason, I was sooo hungry and I was to the point of ALMOST cheating... I said ALMOST. I even thought of changing what I was going to eat today and just make up for it tomorrow, but I am on a cleanse this week. If I deviate off of the menu plan, it won't work and that is just wasted money! The real challenge happens on Sunday when I don't have a menu planned out for me. But after seeing what those contestants had to put up with during their workouts, I felt stupid. They are going through Bob and Jillian's torture and I was upset about going over my calories for the day! How selfish is that? I am not doing any exercises right now until I finish the cleanse because with my schedule and cash flow, I am going to have to get creative because I don't live near a gym or have the money to join one. They have the luxury of staying at a place that has a 24 hour gym and the right food there for them. So I know I have to suck this up and do this but I am a little jealous about them having the gym. I know that I have the right tools to do this and stick to it. Just need to pray for strength and motivation.
I haven't set a goal weight or even set a size I want to be. I just need to be able to look in the mirror and like what is in it. No, LOVE what is in it and I am getting there. I know that I will never be a size 4 and I don't want to be. I just want to like how I look. I know the person I am and know that the only thing wrong with me is that I don't like myself like I should. If you can't like yourself, then how are you going to expect people to like you. I do want to be in a relationship again, but right now I need to work on me.
Another thing that I am going to work on tomorrow is my letters to the people who I need to write. I am really not looking forward to this part but it has to be done. I don't want to keep harboring these feelings anymore. There are things that I need to tell these people so that I can put it behind me and move on. They may never know what I say, but after it is written down, I know I will feel better. I will pray over those letters and if I feel the need to send them, I will. I am even going to start "mending fences" between people I think I have done wrong. I am not perfect, I know that. I think I am a good person, and I don't like to hurt people. If you get a letter of apology from me, then I want you to know how sorry I am and hope that you can forgive me. But if you get a letter from me and it really isn't what you want to hear, sorry but I think you need to start thinking about how you treat people.
Ok, sorry didn't really mean to spew that on you.
I am sitting here watching The Biggest Loser and I just can't help but hurt for those people. I know that I am not skinny and I am working on feeling better, but some of these people need to lose over 200 lbs to even reach a healthy weight or where they should be according to doctors. It brings tears to my eyes when I hear the stories of these contestants because I hear myself in all of those stories. I am only 4 days into this and I had a really hard day today. For some reason, I was sooo hungry and I was to the point of ALMOST cheating... I said ALMOST. I even thought of changing what I was going to eat today and just make up for it tomorrow, but I am on a cleanse this week. If I deviate off of the menu plan, it won't work and that is just wasted money! The real challenge happens on Sunday when I don't have a menu planned out for me. But after seeing what those contestants had to put up with during their workouts, I felt stupid. They are going through Bob and Jillian's torture and I was upset about going over my calories for the day! How selfish is that? I am not doing any exercises right now until I finish the cleanse because with my schedule and cash flow, I am going to have to get creative because I don't live near a gym or have the money to join one. They have the luxury of staying at a place that has a 24 hour gym and the right food there for them. So I know I have to suck this up and do this but I am a little jealous about them having the gym. I know that I have the right tools to do this and stick to it. Just need to pray for strength and motivation.
I haven't set a goal weight or even set a size I want to be. I just need to be able to look in the mirror and like what is in it. No, LOVE what is in it and I am getting there. I know that I will never be a size 4 and I don't want to be. I just want to like how I look. I know the person I am and know that the only thing wrong with me is that I don't like myself like I should. If you can't like yourself, then how are you going to expect people to like you. I do want to be in a relationship again, but right now I need to work on me.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Already feeling a change
Today marks day #3 and I have some good news... I have lost 3 1/2 pounds so far. I really didn't think that I would see that much off since I have just started this "life style" change. It will get easier to keep up with this because I am now back at work and have a lot to do during the day. I was off work the last 3 days and I think it was harder when I was at home since I was watching TV and had to walk by the kitchen. I am just going to have to be strong on the days that I have to be at home, but I know that I can do it.
Now onto more fun things... THE BACHELOR is on tonight!!!! And The Biggest Loser starts tomorrow!!! I am a happy girl! One, I get to see Brad again and hopefully will help him choose the right girl. And two, I will be losing weight with the people on The Biggest Loser instead of watching the show and eating while I am doing it.
So this is going to be a short one, because I now have to focus on these girls that is on the Bachelor so that I can see which one will be good for Brad! See ya tomorrow!
Now onto more fun things... THE BACHELOR is on tonight!!!! And The Biggest Loser starts tomorrow!!! I am a happy girl! One, I get to see Brad again and hopefully will help him choose the right girl. And two, I will be losing weight with the people on The Biggest Loser instead of watching the show and eating while I am doing it.
So this is going to be a short one, because I now have to focus on these girls that is on the Bachelor so that I can see which one will be good for Brad! See ya tomorrow!
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Being good....I swear!
Why is it, when you are trying your best to stick to a new "life style" plan, every commercial is about FOOD?!?!?! It is bad enough that there is still Christmas candy here at home, but do I have to flip the channels to see all the food that I can't have!!! I know that I can treat myself every once in a while and I will, but I don't want to be forced into cheating by what I see on TV. They keep showing me CHOCOLATE! But, I have NOT cheated! When I feel tempted, I drink water. So now I am having to incorporate this into my prayers so that I can be strong against all the "commercial demons"!!!!
I also want to know what happened to all of the TV shows? Now I like all the competition reality TV shows(Biggest Loser, Survivor, Big Brother), but some of these shows are like train wrecks.... you can't stop watching! My first "can't stop watching" show is My Fair Wedding. This guy comes in 3 weeks before the wedding and changes EVERYTHING that you have already planned and paid for. Of course, it winds up being beautiful, but shouldn't this happen like MONTHS in advance? Not 3 weeks! The second show is Real Housewives of Atlanta. I know, I know... I shouldn't be admitting to this but it is so fun to see these "Housewives"(Most of them aren't even married!) show how they live here, just down the street from me. And I thought I had DRAMA! LOL. I really shouldn't be watching but I can't find anything else on to keep my attention.
The last show that I have been "focused" on, and to be quite honest I really shouldn't be "focused" on is not a reality show but a really happened show called "Snapped." If you don't know what it is about, it is all about women who have committed the most haneous murders because they think they have been done wrong. All I can say is...WOW! I know I was done wrong, and thought I wanted to commit murder, but DANG! I ain't that mad! Some of these women have really planned these crimes to such an exstent that almost all of the shows have the police saying, "I have never heard of a woman thinking like this." I really have had chills watching these shows. The letters that I have to write to get things off my heart and mind really are hurtful but I don't want to have these feelings anymore. It seems like those women harbored all those feelings for so long, it consumed their lives to the point where they thought that "getting rid" of those people would make them feel better. I don't want to get to that point in my life where everytime I see the people that hurt me, I have such a feeling of hate that that is all I will ever feel for them. I am so glad that I have someone in my life that I can turn to and turn all of this over to so that I can get on with my life. Of course I am talking about my Lord and Savior, Jesus. I have such a feeling of peace when I start to think about what I have gone through and how I have over come it, with HIS help. I know that if I didn't have HIM in my life, I would wind up like one of those women, in jail and nothing to look forward to.
There are a lot of things on my mind that I have to get off. What I have to say will not be seen by the people that I have to "say" these things to. Just getting them off my chest and on paper will let me let them go. I might send a letter or two, but it will all depend on if I feel the need to have to send it. I don't want you to get the feeling that I have a LIST of people that I am mad at... that isn't it at all. There are a couple of people who I feel I need to tell how I feel so that I can get on with my life. More than likely I will write it down, feel better and then burn the letter, releasing all the feelings. I am just tired of always worried about what people think about me. I know that I am a good person, and A LOT of people take advantage of that. It may be a little late to change how I am but I am going to work on not letting people walk all over me.
I guess I have said enough today and I will sign off for now.
But, I am being good! I SWEAR!!! :o)
I also want to know what happened to all of the TV shows? Now I like all the competition reality TV shows(Biggest Loser, Survivor, Big Brother), but some of these shows are like train wrecks.... you can't stop watching! My first "can't stop watching" show is My Fair Wedding. This guy comes in 3 weeks before the wedding and changes EVERYTHING that you have already planned and paid for. Of course, it winds up being beautiful, but shouldn't this happen like MONTHS in advance? Not 3 weeks! The second show is Real Housewives of Atlanta. I know, I know... I shouldn't be admitting to this but it is so fun to see these "Housewives"(Most of them aren't even married!) show how they live here, just down the street from me. And I thought I had DRAMA! LOL. I really shouldn't be watching but I can't find anything else on to keep my attention.
The last show that I have been "focused" on, and to be quite honest I really shouldn't be "focused" on is not a reality show but a really happened show called "Snapped." If you don't know what it is about, it is all about women who have committed the most haneous murders because they think they have been done wrong. All I can say is...WOW! I know I was done wrong, and thought I wanted to commit murder, but DANG! I ain't that mad! Some of these women have really planned these crimes to such an exstent that almost all of the shows have the police saying, "I have never heard of a woman thinking like this." I really have had chills watching these shows. The letters that I have to write to get things off my heart and mind really are hurtful but I don't want to have these feelings anymore. It seems like those women harbored all those feelings for so long, it consumed their lives to the point where they thought that "getting rid" of those people would make them feel better. I don't want to get to that point in my life where everytime I see the people that hurt me, I have such a feeling of hate that that is all I will ever feel for them. I am so glad that I have someone in my life that I can turn to and turn all of this over to so that I can get on with my life. Of course I am talking about my Lord and Savior, Jesus. I have such a feeling of peace when I start to think about what I have gone through and how I have over come it, with HIS help. I know that if I didn't have HIM in my life, I would wind up like one of those women, in jail and nothing to look forward to.
There are a lot of things on my mind that I have to get off. What I have to say will not be seen by the people that I have to "say" these things to. Just getting them off my chest and on paper will let me let them go. I might send a letter or two, but it will all depend on if I feel the need to have to send it. I don't want you to get the feeling that I have a LIST of people that I am mad at... that isn't it at all. There are a couple of people who I feel I need to tell how I feel so that I can get on with my life. More than likely I will write it down, feel better and then burn the letter, releasing all the feelings. I am just tired of always worried about what people think about me. I know that I am a good person, and A LOT of people take advantage of that. It may be a little late to change how I am but I am going to work on not letting people walk all over me.
I guess I have said enough today and I will sign off for now.
But, I am being good! I SWEAR!!! :o)
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Cleansing... my body and my closet!
Happy 1st day of 2011!
What a great first day of my 2011! I have started my new way of eating and it really isn't that bad. Had a great breakfast and going to have a great lunch. Have been drinking a little more water like I normally do everyday but starting to visit the restroom more than usual. So the cleanse is working! Yes, I have a little help, but it is doctor approved. Not doing anything to harm myself. I did the same thing back a couple of years ago and I am doing it the same way now. There are some people (you know who you are) who remember when I did this before and saw the results. Fortuantely, I didn't gain all my weight back, but I did gain back a little more that I wanted to. So, here is to looking better and feeling better!(Toasting with my water :o) )
Now onto the closet! I am going to get rid of all the clothes that I don't wear or really don't need. There are some that I have had for such a long time that I just need to "cut the ties", so to speak. Of course, I am keeping the most important things, but getting rid of all the pants that have elastic in them so I won't fall back on the "fat clothes." I should also "cleanse" my flip flops but ummmm.... NO! I still need to co-ordinate my outfits that I am keeping! LOL. Hello.....My name is Leigh Anne and I am a flip flop-aholic. If I could wear them at work, I soooo would!
Next, I will cleanse my mind. I need to get all the feelings out on paper and then burn them so that they are gone and I can move on. Forgiveness is the best way to just get those feelings out of my mind and heart so that I can be the best person I know that I can be. Jesus said to turn the other cheek... well both of mine are still pink and stinging, but once I do this, that pain will go away and I will be able to trust and love again. But with time, and HIS Love, that will come.
I am not giving myself unrealistic deadlines with any of these things that I need to do, but I am not going to procrastinate like I normally do.
So bring on 2011! I am so ready for what this year is going to bring!
What a great first day of my 2011! I have started my new way of eating and it really isn't that bad. Had a great breakfast and going to have a great lunch. Have been drinking a little more water like I normally do everyday but starting to visit the restroom more than usual. So the cleanse is working! Yes, I have a little help, but it is doctor approved. Not doing anything to harm myself. I did the same thing back a couple of years ago and I am doing it the same way now. There are some people (you know who you are) who remember when I did this before and saw the results. Fortuantely, I didn't gain all my weight back, but I did gain back a little more that I wanted to. So, here is to looking better and feeling better!(Toasting with my water :o) )
Now onto the closet! I am going to get rid of all the clothes that I don't wear or really don't need. There are some that I have had for such a long time that I just need to "cut the ties", so to speak. Of course, I am keeping the most important things, but getting rid of all the pants that have elastic in them so I won't fall back on the "fat clothes." I should also "cleanse" my flip flops but ummmm.... NO! I still need to co-ordinate my outfits that I am keeping! LOL. Hello.....My name is Leigh Anne and I am a flip flop-aholic. If I could wear them at work, I soooo would!
Next, I will cleanse my mind. I need to get all the feelings out on paper and then burn them so that they are gone and I can move on. Forgiveness is the best way to just get those feelings out of my mind and heart so that I can be the best person I know that I can be. Jesus said to turn the other cheek... well both of mine are still pink and stinging, but once I do this, that pain will go away and I will be able to trust and love again. But with time, and HIS Love, that will come.
I am not giving myself unrealistic deadlines with any of these things that I need to do, but I am not going to procrastinate like I normally do.
So bring on 2011! I am so ready for what this year is going to bring!
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