Well, I did it. I wrote my first letter and actually sent it in an email to that person. That was the hardest thing I have ever had to write. But I did it and didn't cry. I had already told myself I was going to allow tears because I knew writing this one particular letter would definitely be the one where the tears would flow. Deep down in my soul, I know this person isn't going to read it. And if they do, they won't take what I told them to heart. It will be another thing to get mad at me for. I use to worry about when people got mad at me but with this person, I don't care anymore. They hurt me so bad that it made me a stronger person. I now am going after what I want and could care less what other people think. I always was the one to make sure everyone around me was happy and forgot about me. I can't always please everyone. The only people that I need to please is GOD and myself and if you don't like what I am doing, then you are going to have to take it up with someone who cares. I know it is going to be harder to do it than to say it but for right now, it is working for me. It has taken 37 years for me to figure out that I am worth something! I still love on people and want them to be happy. But I NEED to focus on me for right now.
I kinda got my heart stepped on today when I made the phone call to set up my appointment with someone at the college I want to attend. They told me that I would have to go through the college's catalog and pick an area where I wanted to go and talk to someone in that department. Umm, excuse me, but I am calling to talk to someone to help me do just that!!!! I don't know what I want to do!!!!! I need some help and when you answered the phone, you asked me how you could help me and now you don't want to do that?!?!?!?! Now, I am momentarily at a crossroads in my search for education. I was hoping that I could tell you tonight that I was on my way, but now I am stuck with my flashers on. At least both lights are giving me direction, but I have to figure out if I want to go left or right. Or do I need to go straight?
Until I figure out what I want to do, I still have some more letters to write. I also have to make a list of things that I want to do this year. I have already made plans to take some beach trips and I'm going to go visit my niece for Mardi Gras. But there are some things that I want to do around where I live. Atlanta is a wonderful city full of things to do. I just wish I had the money to do them all! I am sure I will get to do them but it will be spread out during the year or coming years. I also want to go back to Mississippi to see my friends from high school. I have caught up with them over facebook, but it isn't the same. I miss them so much and want to go back in time and do it all over again!! Well....maybe not the hairstyles! LOL!!
Well, time to do my laundry and cook my dinner.
Im not sure if you care to know this or not, but the person did read it, as they mentioned it, and said that if it made you feel better getting it out then they were glad. Rather or not they took it to heart, is beyond me, but atleast you know your words were heard.
ReplyDeleteAs for school, you said you were wanting God to send you a sign to let you know if you should continue to pursue it or not, maybe this was your sign. Interpret it how you feel it was meant.
I love you so much, and hope that I havent hurt you in any way, and just know that if I did, it was never intentional.