I am sorry....Let me explain

I know that I wanted to write everyday but things were placed in my path that were unavoidable and I couldn't find the time to blog.

My father's health took a turn and he spent some time in the hospital.  If you know me, I am a daddy's girl and it really hit me hard since I am not close to where he is at.  So when he gets sick and has to go into the hospital, it kills me that I can't be there.  This time, both of my parents got sick and I felt so helpless because I wasn't there. What hurt more was that I had no support from a person that I thought cared about me.  I was there for this person when his parent was sick and made sure that they were taken care of.  I tell this person about my father and they would rather sleep then tell me it was going to be OK.  Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't looking for this certain person to bend over backwards to make me feel better, but I just wanted a little more concern than what I got.  I wound up leaning on a shoulder of a friend that I would have never thought would be there for me like that.  But I am over it now and my father is on the track of getting better so that is what I am focusing on now.

I am going to be starting back with my trainer in February.  I talked with him about what was going on with my family and he said that I needed to focus on that and then when it evens out, we will start back so that I won't lose what I have already done.  I am 12lbs and 4 inches down and don't want to go backward.  My next training session is on Monday the 5th so that is when I am going to start back with my diet as well.  I am not really straying off it right now but I really haven't been really been watching it as close as I had.  I haven't fallen to far off the wagon so it shouldn't be that hard to get right back on track.

OK, so there you have it.  I am hopefully going to start back writing everyday but I am not going to promise it.  I will say this, I will do my very best to keep you all informed as much as I can.

See ya later!

I missed a day...Let me explain...

I am sorry that I missed a day but last night I had a lot to do to prepare for a special lady...My sweet friend, Ansleigh Baxter.  I had to cook to prepare for her baby shower I was privileged to help put together.  The most credit goes to my friends Carra Rathburn, Beth Trammell, Natalie Thompson, and Karen Eller.  All I did was show up and help set things up.  I had 2 of the easiest jobs, making sausage balls and making punch(which turned out to be a HUGE hit).  I surprised Ansleigh.  I had to "lie" to her so she wouldn't find out.  I kept telling her I wish I could see her cute belly.  I don't get the chance to see any of my friends anymore because we live so far apart.  So today, I went back to my home Church and had a really good day.  I really do miss everyone so much and I hope that I can make it back more often.  I am going to try because I feel at home there and can't find another church that makes me feel that.

I still have an unfinished mission there and I will be back to fix it... stay tuned.

Friday the 13th...not really that bad

Usually when you see on the calendar that there is going to be a Friday the 13th, you cringe.  This one came so quick, I didn't have a chance to realize it was here.

I snowed where I worked today and Thank Goodness it didn't stick!  That really would have sucked!

Not much really going on today... I know that I will have something to talk about tomorrow.  At least I am keeping my word and writing at least something, even if it is just a few sentences.

Over 25 Years.... where did the time go?

Twenty-five years ago, I finally got to know what it felt like to become an aunt.  Now don't get me wrong, I had been an aunt for almost 3 years by then but I didn't know about those pregnancies and I wouldn't trade those times either.  My 1st nephew was born on 1-12-1987, Robert Clayton Buck II... Know known as Robert Clayton Anderson....**I will explain later**

This was the 1st pregnancy in our family that wasn't a surprise.  I got to watch my sister's belly grow and anticipate his arrival.  He was the first boy in my family, after 5 girls and 2 granddaughters, so you know that we REALLY spoiled him!! LOL  Still do!  He is now a grown man and I couldn't be any prouder if I was mother!  He was raised by 2 great people and one of those people loved him so much that she endured a lot to make him the man he is today... That person is my sister, Kim.  I love her and her other two children, Jacob(16) and Emma(11), very much and they are all blessed to have a wonderful mother like her.  

That whole family has been through a lot this year but GOD has blessed them and loved them through their pain.  They lost Kim's Husband, Steve, in March and he has been deeply missed.  I thank GOD for Steve's presence in Robert's life when Robert needed a positive role model.  Steve entered into Kim and Robert's life when Robert was around 5 years old.  Kim was taking care of him on her own and doing a great job.  After a couple of years of dating, Steve asked Robert if he could marry his mama...December 11,1993, they became a family.  Years later, after some issues I don't want to talk about, Robert asked Steve to take his last name.  That is why he is now known as Robert Clayton Anderson.  Steve was a great father to him, Jacob, and  Emma and I am thankful for that.

I now have 6 nieces(Courtney, Sonja, Kyla, Kirsten, Emma, Ariana) and 5 nephews (Robert, Jacob, Jeremiah, Aedan, Aleks) and I am a very proud Aunt of all of them. I want them to know that I do love them and they are all special to me in their own way.  I am far away from them but if they were to EVER need me, I will be there.  I love them as if they were my own children.  I have helped raise most of them.  

Robert can now share his birthday with my good friend Celeste's new bundle born today, Major Silas Cross... 8 pounds 2 ounces, 20 inches long at 4:40pm.  Although he isn't family, he is one of many "Extra" nieces and nephews that I have accumulated from my church family.  I love all those babies and when I get a chance to see them, I try my best to be there.  I am happy to say that there are more babies to come and I can't wait.  This has been a great day for reflection and I am glad that I now have a new "family" member.

Welcome to the world Major!  We have been patiently waiting to meet you!  Happy Birthday Robert, I love you so much!

Progress... just wanted to let you know

One week ago, I told you all that I signed up for a personal trainer at my new gym and he is already changed my appointment twice!!  I mean, are you trying to make me blow my bucket list already!!  NO SIR!  So tomorrow, I am going to take what I have learned and try it on my own.  I am not giving up!

This isn't going to be very long, had a pretty long day at work and was hoping to have a good tough workout so that I could rest good tonight, but that didn't happen.  Gonna read and then go to bed... stay tuned!

10...Is it really perfect?

Why does everyone think 10 is such a perfect number?  Is it because if you add the numbers that make it, it is 1...which everyone wants to be?  You know, #1 in a race, #1 in the ratings, #1 at the box office.... so what is the big deal about 10?

OK, I will give you my theory on it.... Most human beings have 10 fingers, which means most of us can count to 10 (I'm hoping anyway), and therefore I feel that is how they came up with the phrase "The perfect 10."  Pretty simple....If you really think about it, any even number is perfect because it can be split equally.  Like our hands, five fingers on each hand and our hands are mirror images, well you get the picture.

The reason why I am bringing this up is because my manager asked us for 5 business goals and 5 personal goals for the year.  Not only do I have to make sure my customers pay, I have to sit and think about how I am going to improve my store and myself.... More pressure on me to make sure my goals are met along with making budget at my store that Corporate seems to think that I SHOULD make during the year.... I made a bucket list of 10 things I want to do this year.  Everything seems to be coming to me with "10" in it... and to top it off, today is the 10th of January....LOL  Go figure!

I don't want to be a perfect 10 because then I would have to live up to that title for the rest of my life.  I just can't see how someone can put that much of a burden on someone else.  It is hard enough to be the person we are today!  Why put that much pressure one someone to obtain perfection when it will never happen!

So let me end with this, we are all unique and wonderful so don't go and screw it up and try to be perfect for me.

That is all....well for now anyway

Not quite what I wanted...

Things didn't go the way that I hoped today.  I had to reschedule my appointment with the doctor because she had an emergency at the hospital, so I saw my trainer for a few minutes today.  My trainer looks a lot like Dolvett on the Biggest Loser, but he is darker skinned.... JUST GREAT!  But I can see that he isn't going to go nice on me :o)  Yes, that is a smiley face.  I don't want an easy ride.  It didn't take long to do this to my body so I NEED to have my butt kicked for what I have done.  He did say that I am going about this the right way. That he could tell that I am determined and not just "make a New Year's resolution" to break in a few weeks.  He told me to put myself on a High Protein, Low Carb diet.  This is the part that I am going to need help with.  I got the protein down, but knowing how many carbs I can eat and keeping up with them is going to be tough.  I have found something to read and it is helping me with my choices so I will let you know if it is true... I will keep it a secret until then...LOL

I know that I am going to be so sore once I get going but I am ready!  I am just tired of wanting to do something instead of just sitting there waiting for it to happen.  I know this time last year, I was on a treadmill or walking around my store's property...not sitting still!  I didn't wait until the weather changed because it was cold, I just did it.  I worked out to my DVDs from the Biggest Loser and watched what I ate, but now I need to tone not just lose.  I need WEIGHTS!  I just hope that I don't lose a couple of "blessings" because I kinda like "my girls." (If I have lost you on that sentence.... sorry)  I want to keep my curves but just look better with them :o)

I went grocery shopping and bought some of the things that I need....salmon, chicken, sandwich meat(all low carbs).  The only thing missing is snacks but I did find some that I hope work out.  It is hard to find low carb foods!!!!  I am trying to plan my meals that are under 100 grams of Carbs.  I may be a little over but I am going to make sure that doesn't hurt me.  I will eventually figure it out but until then, I will make it work.

My next training is Wednesday... I will let you know how the first full workout went.... I just hope I will be able to type...LOL!

Getting nervous...

Tomorrow is that day!  I am seeing a doctor before I start my training and I just hope I don't get too bad of news about my "health".  You always think that you are doing OK and not really damaging yourself but in reality we don't know.  I am sure that I will get some disappointing news but I know that I can turn it around.  I do have another concern and it deals with female stuff.  I would have to choose the week that I "start" to start working out!  I have a heavy flow and I know that once I am at my training, I can't use the excuse of "I am sorry but I have to go to the restroom to "change" every ten minutes.  So in a way I hope that I get a female trainer so that she may be some what sympathetic to my situation :o)

I'm gonna cut this short because I need to prepare for tomorrow.

Last Weekend of Normalcy

This is the last weekend that I will be able to sit down and relax...because Monday my new life begins.  I have my doctors appointment for my assessment at my gym.  I will find out how much damage I have done to my body so that I can fix it.  I don't think that I have done a whole lot of damage but that is also what the contestants say on The Biggest Loser and then they find out what they have done to their bodies.  I don't want that to happen to me before it is too late.  That is why I am doing something about it now.

I hope that I will be able to keep up my blogging while I am changing my lifestyle.  I am going to try.  I have a lot of people who have told me how proud they are of me, so I don't want to let you down.  I have promised you that I will tell you how I am doing along the way, that is if I can still use my hands...LOL.

So I am asking all who read this to keep sending your encouragement and prayers because I am going to need them.

Wish me luck!

Is it me???

Or have we really ran out of good TV shows?  I mean I like the reality TV shows but some of them make you wanna say "Are you kidding me?"  I just saw one that was called "My Strange Addictions" and the episode was about a woman who eats LAUNDRY DETERGENT!  I am not talking about the liquid, I am talking about the powder! Then they showed the preview of the next show and this woman EAT CIGARETTE BUTTS!  I mean COME ON!  I know people want to be on TV, but do you really want all of the world to know that you are a sick ticket???  I mean there are reasons why those items aren't FOOD!

I didn't watch these shows but I did stop and watch long enough to see the woman eat the detergent.  I know... but it's like passing an accident on the side of the road... you have to slow down to see it.  So that made me look up this show on the TV network online and there is an episode where a woman eats dryer sheets!  OK, I'm done...I know that I am not perfect but there is no way I am going to go on TV and show the "alone me" if you know what I mean.  It's like Carrie Bradshaw said in Sex And The City about SSB (Secret Single Behavior).  It is what you do when you are alone in your home.  She liked to make a stack of crackers with jelly, stand in her kitchen eating them while she read her magazines.  Miranda liked to put vaseline on her hands, put gloves on, and watch infomercials.  Charlotte like to look in a magnified mirror at her pores before going to bed.  I really don't see anything wrong with any of those.  None of them are THAT bizarre that I wouldn't want anyone to know about them.  You feel normal when you do these things, but how can you call eating cleaning products and trash normal????

OK, I know this blog is supposed to be about me but I just had to get this off my chest.  I will write something about my life tomorrow...LOL

5 days in...

Well we are into 2012 for close to a week now and really nothing has changed.  Now, I wasn't expecting a big change but hoping the feeling of this year would be different.  I know, I know, I have to make the feeling change by making things happen but I am just not feeling it right now.  I will eventually get there but I thought I would be there now... I know I am rambling right now but this has been on my mind today.

I spent most of today with a sweet friend Beth and her little girl, Maddy.  We spoke about old times and how fast time has flown by.  Made me think about the choices I made that I know now that were wrong.  Why oh why did I let love ruin what I had!!!  I miss my old house, my life, my job... but I know that GOD puts me where He wants me.  I shouldn't question Him but just simply obey.

I want to thank Beth for just being my girlfriend and just hanging out with me today.  Even though our age gap is 10 years, we have always clicked and I am glad that we are as close as we are.  Her little girl is a sweet girl.  It took her a minute to get use to me but once she accepted me, we had a ball!  I can't wait for my life to balance out and I will be able to go back to my church again.  I am sure that is one of the feelings that is missing... the feeling of belonging.

I know it will come again, and I will be here waiting patiently until it gets here.

You will never believe what I just did.....

OK, I did it... I just signed up for a personal trainer and gym right around the corner from me.  I am really determined to do this.  I really don't have the money for this but I am willing to do this so that I can feel better about myself.  I feel like if I have someone, like the Biggest Loser trainers, yelling at me and making me do this that I will give up like I did last year.  I really didn't want to give up but I did and I just don't want to do that now.  I need to get in shape.  I need to get healthy.  I am getting worried about myself.

I have tried to put on the brave face and say that I just want to look and feel better but that has all been a fake. I really am scared.  I don't want to end up like some of the contestants on the Biggest Loser and find out that I am on the verge of death because of what I have done to myself.  I know that I haven't done the best at making sure that my body is taken care of.  Where I have my membership is at a new gym that has a doctor on staff and a clinic on site.  You get a massage after your workout!  I went in just to get a brochure but wound up signing up because of the price.

I will let you know my progress and what I did during my personal workout... it will be different every time.

Please send prayers, good vibes, good juju.... whatever you want to send that is good.  I want them because I want to stick with this!

Where did my mild winter go???

Three days into the new year and winter decides to show up!  It was butt freezing cold today!

Well one of my favorite shows starts tonight and I can't wait.  The Biggest Loser is on and SANTA IS ON THE SHOW!!!  The theme of this season's show is NO EXCUSES.  There are no excuses allowed on campus this season.  Of course we all make them when things don't go our way.  We find someone or something to blame because we don't want to own up to the mistakes me made to cause the problem or just take ownership of what happened.  Now in the past, I have been guilty of this but I have learned that if you own up to what you do, good or bad, it is always the best step to take.  Learn from the mistakes you make.  If you screw something up, admit to it because we are all human and it can usually be fixed.  By taking ownership of what you do, it shows you are responsible for your actions.

I know why I am over weight... I'm LAZY!!  I don't like to cook and would rather have someone do it for me.  I have to kick my own butt to lose the weight that I want to lose.  I am the only one that can make me do it.  It has nothing to do with wanting to make someone love me, because I have to love myself first and I am working on that .  I need to lose weight so that I can be here as long as the great LORD will let me.

So when it is cold outside, it really doesn't give me a lot of motivation to go walking like I wanted to do.  But seeing as that is an excuse, I will find me something I can do until the weather gets better.  I can tell you right now that I do have something that I can do and I TOTALLY forgot about them.  I have some of the Biggest Loser workouts on DVD.  I am going to start with them and then go to an every other day DVD....one day is the DVD and the next will be walking around my neighborhood.  So there are NO EXCUSES for me when it comes to losing this weight.

I really am glad it is a new year but I am already SICK of all of these weight watchers commercials!!!  I get that every new year, people want to get into shape and lose weight...Duh, I'm one of them.  But if I see Jennifer Hudson sing another awful song for that commercial I WILL LOSE IT!!  And it doesn't help that I am watching a show to help me lose weight.  I don't need her ruining it for me.  Jennifer, I am very proud of you for losing all the weight and keeping it off, but I just can't listen to your commercials anymore.

So, here's to getting motivated and get moving!

2012 Bucket List

OK.... I know that this is the second day but I completed my bucket list.

1.  Go to the movies once a month... I just hope that there is a movie worth going to...LOL
2.  Get my car back...it been at a shop since June because I've had to save money to get it fixed and the guy who has it, hasn't had a chance to fix it... so needless to say I miss my car :o(
3.  Go see my parents/family at least 2 times...with money being tight and work, it has been real hard to go and see them.
4.  Make a trip to a beach this summer...really wanna go to Florida so if anyone wants to go, Let me know!!!
5.  Lose at least 40 pounds...I really am going to work hard on this and DO IT!
6.  Start saving for a big trip/cruise... I know that this is a little vague but I think that I can make this one happen.<Next year it will say: Pay for my big trip/cruise :o) >
7.  Purchase another MP3 player/iPod and load it up with my music that I lost.... First album purchase John Mayer's new one.
8.  Read one book a month... THAT IS AN EASY ONE!
9.  Blog something once a day, even if it is one sentence!
10.  Reconnect with an old friend... I have one in mind and I hope she will be receptive.

Well, that is all that I came up with and I think this is a list that I can make sure it will all be marked off by 12/31/2012.

Let the marking off begin!

Welcome 2012! I think...

Happy New Year!

Well, it didn't start like I wanted it to, but that is OK.  After I woke up, I started thinking about when I was young.  How I would get up early on our "school holidays" like Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year to watch the parades that were on the TV.  I woke this morning looking forward to seeing the Tournament of Roses parade and it won't be shown until tomorrow WHEN I'M AT WORK!!  This has thrown off my whole day.  I was going to sit on the couch, watch the parade while eating my breakfast, and then start watching the football games while doing laundry.  Now I am a little off kilter because I had a plan and now I have to change it.  I am OK with changing my plans but it doesn't feel right that I can't watch the parade.  It has always been a tradition.

Why do people get so upset about breaking a tradition?  Is it because they feel a little of themselves slipping away?  Or is it because if the tradition breaks that nothing will every be the same?  I don't really remember if my family had traditions because we had so much going on, but I do remember New Year's day and always watching the parade.  There are going to be repeats of the parade that I can watch but it won't be the same.  I know I am going to be OK because this tradition has now been broken, but it still is upsetting to me a little because I won't be able to watch it on this day.

So that made me start thinking about where I am in my life.  No, I am not where I always thought I would be but that doesn't get me down.  I am still "young" enough to do some of the things that I have wanted to do.  I have decided to write my 2012 Bucket List... things I want to have happen within this year.  I know most people write their lists to complete by the time they pass away but I want to list things that can be reached so that I can feel accomplished.  I see this list as kind of like a "To Do" list instead of a "what I need to do before I die" list.  So I think that I will start a new tradition each year and make a list of things that I want to do by that year's end.  They may always have some of the same things listed but until I complete those things, they will go on the list again.  So in theory, I will have a bucket list if it takes me until I pass away to complete them...LOL.

I always thought that I would be married and have children but that wasn't in the cards.  I have enjoyed watching my friends get married, have children, and being there for them if they need me. They let me share my love for their children as if they were my own.  As some of you know, I did get married but it didn't work out.  I know this may sound very uncharacteristic of me but I am happy with just being in a relationship and not being married.  It really is hard work getting use to sharing things when you have had them all to yourself for so long.  I guess I have been selfish all my life and didn't realize it until I got married.  I don't like people touching my stuff and I like my big bed all to myself!  But then again, I like spending time with my special someone as much as I can.  I know I can't have the best of both worlds but a girl can try can't she?  LOL

I am going to make my list sensible and attainable with things that I know are not outrageous.  I am hoping that I will have a list of 10 things (at least) that I will be able to accomplish by the end of the year.  I am going to be thinking of them today and will post them in my next blog.

So I wish each of you who reads this a Blessed and Happy New Year and hope that you can keep your resolutions if you made them.... One tradition I know that no one every breaks, Right? :o)